Calvin and Hobbes

Some guy has archived Calvin and Hobbes online. Who knows how long it will last, so feel free to keep the traffic low by NOT telling people about this.

how not to return a cat

so about a month ago i adopted a cat. he was 3 years old, an adorable grey tabby, and his name was murphy. well, i thought that i really wanted a cat. but then i soon realized, indoor pets are NOT my thing. i was raised in california, where pets belong outside, and i am used to that. i do not know any other way really, and with a big backyard and great weather, the animals are quite fine with the living arrangement as well.

but this cat i adopted, had always lived inside. and i thought, wellll, it might be nice having an inside companion so to speak. but oh hell no. that was not so. i cannot stand it! there is hair, that no matter how much you vacuum and brush and sweep or whatever...there is always hair! and he would claw the rug, and even changing the kitty litter box a billion times daily, there was still that faint smell of cat.

so i decided to give murphy back. on saturday. two days ago. i figured there would be no problem since the lady at the adoption center said that whether it be a week from now or six years from now, i could always return him should there be a problem. so i brought him back. and THIS is what ensued.

dianne: "yeeeaahhh...this relationship is just not working out. sorry."

crazy cat lady: "what?! how can you not love him?!?! you know, this is a love for life policy! a LOVE for LIFE!!!"

dianne: "uuhhh, well, unless i end his life tomorrow, this will most definitely NOT be a love for life home."

crazy lady: "what would you have done if i couldn't take him back??? huh?!?! what!?"

dianne: "you said you would take him back so that is kind of a stupid question."

crazy lady: "but what if i hadn't?!?! huh?"

dianne: "mmmm, probably put him in a plastic bag and thrown him in some nearby river...or a little visit to my exhaust pipe."

crazy lady: "WHAT!!!! you are a horrible person. people like you make me sick! you know i have ten cats and i love every one of them dearly! and you can't even handle one!"

dianne: "hahaha! oh great. you manifested your biological desire to procreate through felines. congratulations lady...you are officially pathetic."

****now mind you fam damily, throughout this entire conversation, i was walking out of the pet store and to my car, not wanting to encourage this pointless argument. but the lady FOLLOWED me! out of the store. across the parking lot. we were by the cars at this point in the story****

so after i said that last comment, about her being pathetic, the woman actually raised her hand, as if she was going to slap me!!! this whacko of a middle aged woman was going to hit me!!! and so i lost it. and when i get mad, like us swifts do from time to time, i get creepy calm and void of emotion. so i grabbed her arm that she was swinging at me in an attempt tp slap my face, grabbed her other arm by the elbow and lifted her and shoved/pinned her against a car in the parking lot.

dianne: "no one but my mother has ever hit me before, and things are not about to change now."

!!!!!!

can you believe this?!?!?! it is ten o clock on a saturday morning and the shit has hit the fan outside of petsmart! with kids and families all frozen just staring at me and this woman in the parking lot.

and then this poor little old woman comes up to the car with shopping cart and is alarmed at this scene that is taken place against her car. she must have been like eighty and the poor cart came up to her neck practically she was so short. she sees me shove this woman and starts wringing her hands and is like, "oh dear...oh dear..."

and i see her so i immediately turn my behavior like a light switch and kind of throw crazy cat lady aside and am like...

"oh! let me help you unload your cart."

i thus proceed to help her, the cat freak goes back into the store, and i go on with my day.

Internships and ravings

I started my internship with Conyers police department 2 weeks ago and I have had a blast so. The people there are great and next week I get to go on patrol with officers. I have spent the last 2 weeks in the communications department listening to some hilarious 911 calls. After I spend time with the patrols, I will spend 2 weeks with the K-9 unit, two weeks with the detectives, and the last 2 weeks with the officer that works at the high school. After that, hopefully I will have a job lined up with either that police department or another local city or county agency.

Grainger has been good to work with but with all the management changes, some people who will remain nameless have been completely anal about how this branch runs after not giving a crap or even coming by to visit for the last 6 months. Why is management like that? There is only one other person who works with me and sales are increasing, transactions numbers and amounts are going up steadily, and the two of us have been running this branch alone for the last 2 years. By the way, we are doing a damn good job of it too.

So after this 6 month hiatus of caring, visiting, or any other kind of micromanagement, these individuals decide to stop by 1 week before the new branch manager fills the spot and proceed to rain down criticisms on the cleanliness of our linoleum floor. Not about our superior performance of accomplishing everything a large branch does with 60+ employees between the 2 of us and increasing numbers, but the fact that the guy we have come out every two months to buff and clean the floor needs to come out more often. If there was a more politicking, brown-nosed employee working here, I am in the dark about him or her.

A model scientific paper

This will be especially appreciated by anyone who's spent time in the 8th circle of Hell known as undergraduate science labs.

Weddings in Alabama, how romantic

This newspaper article speaks for itself. Notice that it says local news at the top of the page. I'm sure it really is true love and these people, they are perfectly normal folks and they will have a long and happy marriage. You might need a kleenex for this romantic tale.

missy

it is pet accumulation month here at the swift household. this came yesterday. we did not officially name her, but everytime she misbehaves, i tend to say, "listen here missy!" and we all know what happens when we do not name them from the get go. cats become, the mom cat. mr. kitty. and i know, she will be missy.

Happy Cinco de Mayo

I was thinking to myself on this grand day of Mexican celebration that I should do something to celebrate. You know, something that holds special significance to the Latin blood that flows through my veins. The only thing I can think of that totally encapsulates my Mexican heritage; the one thing that makes my ancient Aztec blood pump with pride is by eating a Double Decker Taco from Taco Bell.

VIVA LA RAZA!!!!!!!!

The economy isn't the only thing blossoming in China

I guess the changes in the Chinese diet are changing Chinese body types. I figured this was a nice complement to the previous post. China really is busting out of their former mold and and making the world take notice of her development.....at least the men in the world will take notice. Is there anything they can't do right?

Eyes wide shut

Once again, this years grunion run demonstrated Dad's uncanny ability to close his eyes in every picture. Occasionally Casey shows her support and closes her eyes too.