Saturday, December 31, 2005

Christmas in Indiana '05 Part 2


Christmas Eve, the tree was full of presents and everyone was having a blast. I think we ran out of paper and tape, but made sure everyone had the traditional orange in the bottom of the stocking. Mom informed us that the tradition began with her parents and their family during the depression and oranges were hard to come by so it was something special. Always good to know about the past.


We played a couple games to learn about the family and our past. It was a great opportunity to know mom and dad's first car, first jobs, grand praents and great grand parents names, and other little tidbits. Following that game, I had Dad and Mom solve the puzzle I made out of blocks I cut, painted and had Kerri painted the letters on. One side they had to arrange the puzzle to form the phrase "Orky, corky, and snakes" which is from a memory I have about asking Dad evernight in my bunkbed for years. Once they solved the puzzle, they flipped over the blocks and it said "We are pregnant!" It was a lot of fun. I wish Gord and family and Dianne could have been there.

Here is my beautiful wife making her yearly Christmas scowl. Isn't she just a peach? get it? GET IT? I am an idiot.






Hey, who put the Dad's eggnog in Carrington's bottle?


Christmas in Indiana '05 Part 1

Here is the first couple of days where Cameron showed his kick ass skills as a 7 year old motocross stud. Rich had to put a restrictor on the bike because Cam kept cranking the throttle as hard as he could. He be doing supermans and heel clickers by August.





Here is the monster known as Harvey. Everytime he brushed by Mom, she screamed, "My kneecaps are going to slide out." No joke. He is huge for still being a puppy but I could still take him.






Here is Megan, Anneke, and Carrington in an Allart sandwhich. The piggy back rides, horsey rides, and throwing them up in the air didn't stop till we left so it was good exercise.






Here is the youngest of the Allart clan. He has not quite mastered the use of his legs so he crawls very effeciently in a just-using-your-arms army style. He can bounce in the door hanger like no other; we just need to use those legs while crawling.

Way to use that head

Best header pic I've seen in a while from Reuters.


Racing Lens' Eric Carriere grimaces as he heads the ball during the UEFA Cup first round first leg soccer match against Groclin Grodzisk at the Felix Bollaert stadium in Lens, September 15, 2005.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

A prank of pure evil

If you want to see a truly evil prank, then watch this video where a group of friends trick a buddy into thinking he won the lottery.

New cake pans

Some of the cake pans on the Williams Sonoma web site are on sale. I ordered a Great Pumpkin and a Holiday Tree pan. When they get here the girls and I are totally going to make a festive tree cake.


Thursday, December 22, 2005

And to all a good night

Chris Hitchens on the Fox News campaign against Wal-Mart and others who dare use "happy holidays."

"But there are millions of well-appointed buildings all across the United States, most of them tax-exempt and some of them receiving state subventions, where anyone can go at any time and celebrate miraculous births and pregnant virgins all day and all night if they so desire. These places are known as "churches," and they can also force passersby to look at the displays and billboards they erect and to give ear to the bells that they ring. In addition, they can count on numberless radio and TV stations to beam their stuff all through the ether. If this is not sufficient, then god damn them. God damn them everyone."

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

That's a lot of cat food


So we are leaving tomorrow for Indiana for 9 days and Kerri is worried about her little kitties. Fearing that they may starve, she has prepared what she thinks is enough cat food for the duration of our vacation. For those of you wondering, that shiny dot in the bowl is a quarter for size reference and yes, she is using both bowls for food.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Body Modification ezine

If you find the body modification crowd as enteraining as I do, there's endless fun to be had on the Body Modification Ezine. For instance, where else could you find a pierced mole? Or a gallery of uvula piercings?(the punching bag in your throat) Or how about a bar that goes completely under the collar bone? I'm not linking to the genital galleries, I'm at work.

And let's not forget the diaries. For instance, if you stretch a piercing too quickly, we're told you can suffer what's called a blow out, or some kind of large skin flap that hardens into a mass of scar tissue. In this journal we learn what happens if you're a retard and decide to remove said blow out by tying it off with dental floss. Yes, dental floss. Apparently over time this involves quite a bit of puss and stench.

And who recommended this tying off procedure? A doctor? Not quite.

"I went down to see Matt Cottrell at Planet Ink (Ottawa, ON) to get a bit of advice and his two cents. He has almost nine years experience piercing and definitely knows his stuff. He pierced my hood not long ago, and I was so impressed with his knowledge and professionalism that I knew he could help."

I read this tonight at work, and I had to hold my face in both hands to keep the sound of my laughing down. I'm getting some looks.

Friday, December 16, 2005

People need help

A while ago, Gordon sent out some pictures of people taking peircing to the next level by forking their tongue. It just so happens that I have come across the next level of emo self mutilation, brass knuckles.

I like the comment about how it is a beautiful thing to "take it" to the next level. What a bunch of psychos.

A Thing of Beauty


What I really want is the new folding knife by Benchmade . Unfortunately, it's $250.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Christmas 1997

Christmas is almost here, so let's take a peek back at Christmas 1997.




And it just aint Christmas if Dianne isn't torturing a child. Here she's dipping McKenzie's feet into the creek at the Arboretum on New Years Eve 1997. And if there's any question as to whether Kenzie's enjoying this or not, check out what she does with her feet in the last picture when Dianne goes for that second dip.


Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Fried Pickles are not helping

So Gordon kicks our collective asses in the 2005 state health rankings. Utah being #4 overall, I really can not compete. Gordon can thank the Word of Wisdom for that. But I was wondering if anyone out there could see the same trend I noticed.

39 Texas
40 Florida
41 West Virginia
42 Kentucky
43 Georgia
44 Oklahoma
45 Alabama
46 Arkansas
47 South Carolina
48 Tennessee
49 Louisiana
50 Mississippi


I would just like it to be known that I still kicked Greg's ass. haha Alabama, you bunch of fatties.

Here is the List

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Mike Wallace brings it on

From a recent interview with Mike Wallace of 60 minutes fame.


Q. President George W. Bush has declined to be interviewed by you. What would you ask him if you had the chance?

A. What in the world prepared you to be the commander in chief of the largest superpower in the world? In your background, Mr. President, you apparently were incurious. You didn't want to travel. You knew very little about the military. . . . The governor of Texas doesn't have the kind of power that some governors have. . . . Why do you think they nominated you? . . . Do you think that has anything to do with the fact that the country is so [expletive] up?

Monday, December 05, 2005

Remember to lock the office

Man, my work is boring. This is a recent story from an English grad student.


My Morning: A Play in One Uncomfortable Act

ME: Do do do do WHOA!

HALF-NAKED COUPLE IN MY OFFICE: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

ME: What?

HALF-NAKED FEMALE: DON'T YOU KNOCK? (putting shirt back on)

ME: Before I come into my office?

HALF-NAKED MALE: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! (buttoning pants)

ME: (starting to enjoy this) I have a student coming in two minutes. Finish up.

HALF-NAKED, BLUE-BALLED MALE: GO ALREADY!

ME: (closes door, waits one minute, knocks) Are you decent?

HALF-NAKED MALE: GO THE FUCK AWAY! THIS IS PRIVATE! WE'RE BUSY!

ME: (holding the door half-open) I'm coming in.

HALF-NAKED MALE: STOP HARASSING US YOU PERVERT OR I'LL REPORT YOU!

ME: (still holding door) You'll report me for your having sex in my office?

HALF-NAKED MALE: GO THE FUCK AWAY!

ME: (still holding door) That's it. Put your clothes back on. You can't have sex in my office.

HALF-NAKED MALE: DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE COME IN HERE!

(my student walks up) MY STUDENT: What's going on?

ME: (still holding door) Some people are trying to have sex in my office. I keep interrupting them.

MY STUDENT: Are they really having sex in there?

HALF-NAKED MALE: THIS IS SEXUAL HARASSMENT!

ME: (props open door with rubber stop) They're trying.

This continues for a couple more minutes. He shouts profanity, she starts crying, &c. About two minutes later the couple emerges and I get some nasty looks. Who am I to stop them from having sex in my office?