how not to return a cat

so about a month ago i adopted a cat. he was 3 years old, an adorable grey tabby, and his name was murphy. well, i thought that i really wanted a cat. but then i soon realized, indoor pets are NOT my thing. i was raised in california, where pets belong outside, and i am used to that. i do not know any other way really, and with a big backyard and great weather, the animals are quite fine with the living arrangement as well.

but this cat i adopted, had always lived inside. and i thought, wellll, it might be nice having an inside companion so to speak. but oh hell no. that was not so. i cannot stand it! there is hair, that no matter how much you vacuum and brush and sweep or whatever...there is always hair! and he would claw the rug, and even changing the kitty litter box a billion times daily, there was still that faint smell of cat.

so i decided to give murphy back. on saturday. two days ago. i figured there would be no problem since the lady at the adoption center said that whether it be a week from now or six years from now, i could always return him should there be a problem. so i brought him back. and THIS is what ensued.

dianne: "yeeeaahhh...this relationship is just not working out. sorry."

crazy cat lady: "what?! how can you not love him?!?! you know, this is a love for life policy! a LOVE for LIFE!!!"

dianne: "uuhhh, well, unless i end his life tomorrow, this will most definitely NOT be a love for life home."

crazy lady: "what would you have done if i couldn't take him back??? huh?!?! what!?"

dianne: "you said you would take him back so that is kind of a stupid question."

crazy lady: "but what if i hadn't?!?! huh?"

dianne: "mmmm, probably put him in a plastic bag and thrown him in some nearby river...or a little visit to my exhaust pipe."

crazy lady: "WHAT!!!! you are a horrible person. people like you make me sick! you know i have ten cats and i love every one of them dearly! and you can't even handle one!"

dianne: "hahaha! oh great. you manifested your biological desire to procreate through felines. congratulations lady...you are officially pathetic."

****now mind you fam damily, throughout this entire conversation, i was walking out of the pet store and to my car, not wanting to encourage this pointless argument. but the lady FOLLOWED me! out of the store. across the parking lot. we were by the cars at this point in the story****

so after i said that last comment, about her being pathetic, the woman actually raised her hand, as if she was going to slap me!!! this whacko of a middle aged woman was going to hit me!!! and so i lost it. and when i get mad, like us swifts do from time to time, i get creepy calm and void of emotion. so i grabbed her arm that she was swinging at me in an attempt tp slap my face, grabbed her other arm by the elbow and lifted her and shoved/pinned her against a car in the parking lot.

dianne: "no one but my mother has ever hit me before, and things are not about to change now."

!!!!!!

can you believe this?!?!?! it is ten o clock on a saturday morning and the shit has hit the fan outside of petsmart! with kids and families all frozen just staring at me and this woman in the parking lot.

and then this poor little old woman comes up to the car with shopping cart and is alarmed at this scene that is taken place against her car. she must have been like eighty and the poor cart came up to her neck practically she was so short. she sees me shove this woman and starts wringing her hands and is like, "oh dear...oh dear..."

and i see her so i immediately turn my behavior like a light switch and kind of throw crazy cat lady aside and am like...

"oh! let me help you unload your cart."

i thus proceed to help her, the cat freak goes back into the store, and i go on with my day.