i am blessed
July 2, 2006
my doctor told me to count my blessings.
My Blessings
* i am blessed because i can correctly pronounce the word, gorgonzola. you want to add "gorginzilla" to your salad maam? i'm sorry, would that be the other giant lizard from an aging milk experiment gone horribly wrong that attcked your town as well, miss nakumoto?
*i am blessed because i knew long before working with food, that the term "pasta" was a broad word that allowed numerous conncoctions of flour, water, and egg to fall under it.
"oh! so fusilli is like pasta?"
"no sir. it is pasta. it is a type of pasta."
"it's spaghetti."
"no. it is fusilli."
"but, i want pasta!"
"it is pasta. pasta in the shape of a corkscrew. you know, much like the the shape of the tool your mother used to open her morning drink when she was pregnant with you."
*i am blessed because i was raised with the good sense to not wear jerseys with the number 99 on them with no real affliation to any team of any sort. is it reflective of your aspired IQ, or the weight you need to lose before your heart is in the "healthy zone" again?
*i am blessed because neither my posture nor the hair on my neck are grounds for resuscitating the missing link theory.
*i am blessed because i do not take water for granted. if i ask you your drink order, and you say nothing, then nothing you will get. water is not nothing my friends. not nothing. it is a whole lot of something.
*i am blessed because i am honest. i do not say i am ready to order, and then spend five to ten minutes scanning the menu forcing a perfectly good server to waste their time staring.
*i am blessed because i can walk. walk away as you try to prove you are ready to order. and walk back to the table when you have had time to think about your order and that lie you so boldly told me 15 minutes ago.
*i am blessed because i have an astounding memory. i can remember obscure facts such as you were drinking decaf, not regular coffee. "is that decaf? i was drinking decaf, you know. i can't have caffeine! has to be caffeine free. no caffeine for me! no sir! is that decaf!?"
there may be traces of my DNA in your mug, madam, but caffeine? i assure you, no.
*i am blessed because i have enough room in my heart to treat everyone like family. if the 10 second rule is good enough for my own blood, then by god, it is good enough for you!
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you are right doc, i feel MUCH better.
posted by dianne @ 7/02/2006 11:25:00 AM
11 comments
11 Comments:
Ah, restaurant job memories. I worked the Golden Corral. Worst. Job. Ever.
Two months ago, some "writer" for the school newspaper did a piece on tipping waiters. She said that no matter what, they should always get 10%. People in Georgia are retarded.
what?! i get 10% and i am pissed. now, if i was shit, then i am ok if the tip is mediocre. but 15-20% is what you should tip if they were good. this job has made me the biggest racial profiler. if you re asian, how new are you to the country? because the more of a FOB you are, the more likely a big 10% is coming my way since that is the standard in China. white people, yu have to take what they are wearing and their "airs" into account to make an educated guess for what is coming your way. black people, give or take. no ryhme or reason to the good and bad tippers. mexicans, cheap mofos. you will be lucky if a mexican tips you at all. i have nothing against anybody, i just don't want them sitting in my section when i have bills to pay.
Here in Georgia, along with a lot of other states, they only waiters only get $2.17 an hour. They think because of that, no matter how crappy the service, they deserve a tip. Screw that. I have left a nickel on several occasions where someone never even refilled my drink.
well alright then, if there is bad sevice, then by all means, do not tip. but i hate bad tippers when nothing was bad. even before i was a waitress, i would always tip well. i used to hate when i would go on dates and the guy was a shit tipper, i would add more when he wasn't looking or just hand it to the waitress. but then again, when i paid for nothing, tipping well doesn't seem like much to give.
I was going to try and figure out a generalization for Native Americans as tippers but I have been unsuccessful. Though you probably get the best tips from the ones who sell drugs. You can tell who they are because they are in their early twenties and drive $40,000+ cars.
Unless a waitress does something that really sets me off, I always leave a minimum of 15%. Probably because I worked in a restaurant for three summers as a teen.
I'm grading your post as a C overall because you didn't actually do the assignment. You turned it into what you wanted: Another chance to talk about people being idiotic and annoying.
You were SUPPOSED to talk about the things you like. I would imagine the therapist is asking for a list of those little things that make you happy like squishing wet sand between your toes at the ocean or completing a tough sudoku square.
Do it again for a better grade.
I always thought Native Americans tipped in salmon eggs or arrow heads.
My tribe uses sea shells and woodpecker scalps but they are getting hard to come by.
The drug dealers may tip you with bags of weed
hahaha. I guess a dime bag would be considered a 10% tip.
That's it, I'm moving to the rez and becoming a waiter.
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